
But I don't think I could. You see, when I was younger I had pretty much made up my mind that I wanted to be a woman. I was on the verge of visiting a doctor to ask some questions about it and was pretty much prepared for the whole hormones/surgery thing, but a few things changed in my life and I convinced myself that I didn't necessarily need this.
I think that one of the main reasons I dress is as an outlet for some of the things that I suppress in my everyday life. Usually when I go out as a man I'll be dressed to attract as little attention to myself as possible. (Usually hoodie and combats; something S calls the 'overgrown toddler' look.) It's no wonder drag queens call it dressing in 'drab'. Conversely, women get all the best clothes; The hosiery, the skirts, the dresses and all the cute little accessories. Would any girls reading this honestly only want to wear the tiny selection of clothes available to men all the time? Dressing as Melissa allows me to let out a more flamboyant side. Confusingly Melissa feels more like me than the mask I wear when I go out into my everyday life dressed as a man. Doesn't everyone wear a mask like this, though?
And besides, how often, in their normal everyday lives, does anyone really think of themselves as a gender anyway? Although I frequently think about changing gender nowadays, particularly when I'm down, (although I realise being a girl is not a panacea to life's problems, as I'm sure any females reading this will agree.) I'm mostly happy to live my life in a warm fuzzy gender cloud...
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